She stood behind the till, vivacious, lively and energetic with a captivating smile and an equally captivating spirit. She sang and danced a little dance as if no one was watching, or at least she didn't care if anyone was. Enthusiasm spilled from her as she openly shared her authenticity in a moment’s exchange. To some, this may have gone unnoticed. But as I walked past her, my shoulders slumped, a lingering heaviness in my heart, something in my spirit recognized her song and dance and I took notice.
I awoke Monday following an intense weekend of professional Shamanism training, still carrying the heaviness I had been feeling on the weekend. I went to sleep Saturday night exhausted and Sunday morning I felt the same. I shed tears in my morning meditation (which not so coincidentally was all about releasing difficult emotions from our organs), feeling heavy. And as Sunday progressed I felt as though I was drowning in a thick sludgy oil from which I would not emerge.
What I thought would be an “easier” weekend proved to be one of the hardest. In my Journey to meet an Ancestor (I met my mom who passed 6 years ago) I shared with her how she did not love me the way I needed to be loved, how it has affected me in my life and the choices I non-consciously made to desperately fill this need. In a Past Life Journey (yes I do believe we experience many lifetimes) two points of my life collided where heartbreak, loss, grief and sadness intersected. And these were just two of the emotionally charged experiences I endured in 30 hours of training.
By Monday morning still cloaked in a lingering sadness, I decided I needed to leave my house and buy a poetry book. I went to Chapter's and bought Rupi Kaur’s the sun and her flowers and with no agenda I wandered next door to Camper’s Village. I walked around for a few minutes, not sure why I was there before heading towards the exit. On my way out, I passed the till and caught a glimpse of her, singing and dancing like a rockstar.
Her energy and enthusiasm awoke that part of me - the wild hearted free spirit, and I instantly felt it. I slapped down a you inspired me card on the desk, smiled at her and thanked her for sharing her spirit. I felt the need to share the impact she had on me so walking towards the till, I proceeded to demonstrate the heavy feeling I had been experiencing when I came into the store. Slumping over like a hunchback lugging misery on my shoulders, I completely exaggerated how I felt, bringing to light the stark contrast between her energy and mine in that moment. We both laughed out loud and I felt rejuvenated.
Once again I am reminded that what you see in someone else (see A Boy Named Carl ) also resides in you. Dana's energy sparked something inside, reminding me of that part of myself -the free spirited woman who loves to dance and feel the joy in each moment. And that even in the midst of a heavy emotion there can be lightness. When we are open to that, just sometimes we may unexpectedly meet such people (see Random Encounters at Square One ) who by simply radiating their own spark, lift us out of our internal struggles, even if momentarily. Seeing that aspect in another reminds us that we too are more than our emotions, more than our issues. That we, too, are inspired rockstars.
Thank you Dana, for lifting me back up!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're invited for a dance party at my studio anytime!